Do I Really Even Have to Say Anything?

The It Gets Better Project

Dan Savage announced the It Gets Better Project today in his column Savage Love.

In response to the suicide of Billy Lucas, a fifteen-year-old from Indiana who hanged himself after he was intensely bullied by his classmates, Dan Savage has started a YouTube channel for LGBT adults to share their stories of being bullied at school, and to assure despairing teens that it does get better.

From his project description:

I wish I could have talked to this kid for five minutes. I wish I could have told Billy that it gets better. I wish I could have told him that, however bad things were, however isolated and alone he was, it gets better.

But gay adults aren't allowed to talk to these kids. Schools and churches don't bring us in to talk to teenagers who are being bullied. Many of these kids have homophobic parents who believe that they can prevent their gay children from growing up to be gay—or from ever coming out—by depriving them of information, resources, and positive role models.

Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don't have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better.

To participate, if you are a LGBT adult, make a video, upload it to YouTube, and email the url to mail (at) savagelove (dot) net. If you aren't an LGBT adult, help your favorite LGBT adult make a video. And spread the word. Make sure the teens in your life know about this resource. It could save a life.

I can't tell you how cool I think this is. I wasn't bullied in school over my sexuality, but it took me a long time to be comfortable with who I was. I was one of the lucky ones. I was lucky enough to grow up in a tolerant family in a liberal metropolitan area, with adult gay and lesbian role models. A lot of teens aren't that lucky, and these are the ones we're trying to reach. My heart breaks every time I hear about one of these teens who have killed themselves because of bullying, and I wish we could reach them and tell them that things will get better, that they will grow up, move to someplace better, and make true friends and family of the heart, they just have to hold on.

This is our chance. Make a video. Help give teens hope that it will get better.

More Resources:
New York Times article about the It Gets Better Project, from September 22, 2010
The Trevor Project, a resource for LGBTQ teens in crisis. The Trevor Lifeline can be reached at (866) 488-7386.
GLSEN The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
Hopeline. Their crisis line can be reached at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)

At the library

At the library yesterday, a young girl came up to me holding a picture book, The Princess Knight by Cornelia Funke.

She asked me whether the picture on the cover was of a girl.

I said that it certainly was a girl on the cover.

She responded, "That's weird," and walked away.

I'm not sure whether to be happy that this book exists or sad that it's still considered weird for girls to be portrayed doing non-traditional things.

Thank goodness for lifelines..

Long time no see!

Anyway, I'm close to being done with my Nightsongs shawl. I was (so I thought) at the end of the body repeats and ready to start the edging. I knit the first row of the edging and discovered...

The stitch count didn't add up. Rechecked the row, and I knit it correctly, it just didn't line up with the row before it. After consulting numerous versions of the patterns and looking in the Ravelry fora for other people who had had similar problems, I discovered...

I was supposed to have ended the last repeat of the main motif on row 32, not continued on to row 38. Frogging back to row 32 would have been a nightmare, with all of the yarn-overs that I would have had to make sure to pick back up, and unknitting that far would have been far, far worse. Luckily...

I had put in a lifeline before the last repetition of the main motif, in case I didn't have enough yarn to do the last repeat and the edging. I just frogged back to the lifeline, and started knitting the last repeat all over again. It's irritating to lose a couple days of work, but that's what I get for not paying enough attention to the pattern.

Sexist Eating Disorders Awareness Campaign

A few weeks ago, signs went up in our college's dining center.

They read as following:

For information about or help with an eating disorder, please call CAPS [Counseling and Psychological Services] at [phone number redacted] to arrange for a consultation with a counselor.

Pretty good advice, right?

There's just one problem with this campaign.

These signs were only put in the women's restroom.

As if only women had eating disorders, all women were at increased risk of eating disorders, and only women could be concerned about someone with a possible eating disorder.

While it is true that the majority of people with diagnosed eating disorders are female, even conservative numbers estimate that 5 to 10 percent of patients diagnosed with anorexia and 10 to 15 percent of patients diagnosed with bulimia are male,¹ with one Harvard University study showing that up to 25 percent of patients with these disorders are male.² In addition, males account for 40 percent of individuals with binge eating disorder.³

In other words, even the most conservative numbers estimate that 1 in 20 people diagnosed with eating disorders are male. Not to mention that these numbers only reflect the number of people diagnosed with eating disorders, and the true rate of incidence is probably much higher. Men are less likely to seek help for eating disorders due to the stigma of them being perceived as "women's diseases," and are less likely to be diagnosed with them for similar reasons.⁴

In light of these numbers, why did Psych Services only see fit to put these signs in the women's restroom?

Because no matter what the numbers say, people think that eating disorders only affect women. Because people think that only women are affected by images in the media and only women care about their appearance. Because people think that men who struggle with these issues don't exist.

I'm sick and tired of this kind of thinking. This is going to sound heretical on a feminist blog, but we need to acknowledge that men have problems too. We need to acknowledge that the kyriarchy hurts everyone, women and men alike.

As an aside, one of my female friends hasn't used the women's bathroom in the dining center since these signs went up. I must condemn any action which makes people uncomfortable using the toilet facilities to which they are entitled.

This campaign excludes people who might be affected by eating disorders, reinforces harmful stereotypes, and makes people uncomfortable using the restroom.

Surely there's a better way to go about this.



1. Braun, Devra Lynn. "Eating Disorders in Males." Medscape Psychiatry & Mental Health eJournal. 1997;2(2).

2. Hudson, James I. et al. "The Prevalence and Correlates of Eating Disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication." Biol Psychiatry. 1 Feb. 2007; 61(3): 348–358.

3. National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases. "Binge Eating Disorder." June 2008. Accessed 19 Apr. 2010. http://www.win.niddk.nih.gov/publications/binge.htm

4. "Men Less Likely to Seek Help for Eating Disorders." Mental Health Weekly 9 Apr. 2001.

Lessons learned

When winding 100 grams of fingering weight yarn into a center-pull ball by hand, make sure to leave a long tail for the center-pull.

Otherwise, it gets lost inside of the ball, and you have to do it all over again.

Hey Google...

Why haven't you put up a Google doodle for International Women's Day?

But you did for Vivaldi's 332nd birthday a couple of days ago?

I mean, 322's not even a round number...